This is My Brain when I am in love

Rajib Roy
5 min readJan 31, 2022
Photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash

Love at first sights

Our psyche functions by projecting its history onto the world. Maybe one had a breakup and due to a devastating fact of betrayal, he or she became extremely distrustful to others. They may turn so cold and heartless that they will never be able to have the courage for another relationship. Why does this happen ? Due to a lot of expectations and personal bias I suppose. The first time when we go and meet a special person face to face, we tend to pick one female ideal or male ideal from the person. Since, we admire people automatically by their virtues and ideals, we perceive others as if they have our preferred ideals. We have an ideal image, a set of likable traits like “She must be like this and that, then I like her”. When the person we first met has one single ideal, we tend to think it is the whole ideal. And since she has just fit into it and is suitable for it, expectations start to trigger itself and thus we become hopeless romantic. For instance, my ideal woman image has a great pair of eyes, an enticing physique, charming smile and she must be loyal. I used to pick one ideal unconsciously out of the whole person and when they became dissociated from my ideal woman image, I became disappointed and angry. Once, I had an affair and I projected her as loyal even though I knew she was not. After certain behaviors that denote licentiousness and disrespect, I became angry and sad. I have realized that she does not line up with what my expectations are. Hence, My projection on her was partly true and partly wrong. I viewed her through a glass of my own projection and missed the reality. So, we need to be aware of reality. People, after certain realizations of their projections, come up with statements like I never thought you would do these things, You have changed, You are not what I thought You are.

Who insist you to think about her like that ? no one. Yes, that’s the point. We do not realize what things we project or put out on others. If you do not become conscious of the projections, you will keep doing it. I regard love as a feeling and a thorough knowledge about the other person. It is also like friendship and despite all the complexity, if we still want to be with that person, then it is love. My definition of love is very limited. I think it is a very complicated subject.

We need positive illusions to lead a healthy life

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Beautiful places can partially and momentarily make my moods good. Why?

If I am pissed off because of something, then a good person, good music or a great place and even a good dinner can definitely make my moods good and I may forget my upset reasons for a while. But if the reason is big, then?

Many times, I have seen that I become drawn towards specific fragrances, perfumes. After using them, my reality shapes and coloured itself by the effect of it. On the other hand, in another instance I view the morning as appropriate for playing cricket and that day I make half centuries and centuries. Even though the thought was my perception, it turned out positive.

If I am clear in my head about myself and do not have worries, I may interact with my friends, my girlfriend and my family in a beautiful manner.

So, yes places and the perception that I have about the places can impact positive essence since I am not the source of all the happiness. I must submit myself to the external world to an extent where I let things happen to me rather than controlling everything in my life. I must submit myself to an extent where I do not regard myself as isolated, different and desolate from the community. I am no different than them. At the same time, I can not rely wholly on the external world for my happiness. As the internal happiness also comes from me. The way I formulate my internal being is the accumulation of how the external world will seem to me. Every object seems positive and hopeful even though objects are just objects. Objects no longer seem as objects but will seem to us like deep meaning. If my internal world, my relationship with myself is bad, any beautiful place will temporarily and very softly impact me. The solidity of reality may seem missing. The pulse of the heart may be missing. The meaning of existence may seem missing. Where am I going? My future may seem missing since there is no plan, an aim.

I am this type of person and do things positively and make 100 % efforts so I automatically and unconsciously think that others will do things just like I do for them. This sometimes causes tremendous amounts of pain and suffering since a lot of expectations are involved in the process. Being dependent on someone for your own happiness to some extent is very natural and we all do it. But we all have to be free and less attached so that the relationship does not strangle our internal growth. A growth which is devoid from others but talks with you only. Similarly a gorgeous person can lighten up my mood and brighten my day due to her aura and positive energy. But I can not view her companionship as a form of my own fulfillment. Yes, she has a great impact but due to her impact I may tend too dependent on her. Some things, feelings are irrational and we should not put rational conclusions on everything. So, if you think that you are happy for x,y,z reasons then be happy. Rather than focusing on the result, be happy. Objects can make you happy even though you think of them as meaningless. We talk with our family without any intentions in mind sometimes. Obviously they are rational topics and sometimes emotional, but after the talk, we feel great. After beating my clapbox due to a headache, my headache just evaporated. So, talking with family, love for music and art, devotion for knowledge and writing are all habits and that free myself. These habits makes me believe that our reality must not be perceived and controlled by the stereotypical thought of happiness through sexual intimacy only. Yes we need someone who can love us, but do not wait for it. Do you delay your duties ? and you think after I meet the right person then I will do it. Do it now. Do not wait for anyone. Do not conceptualize the meaning of your life from the sum of your relationship status. This is the whole point of my write up.



Rajib Roy

I am a writer who likes to write about personal experiences, Business, Psychology and Fashion.